I was ready for what felt like was to be my final ceremony and what better way than a 4 day Ayahuasca Rebirth Retreat. A ceremony with three days of the medicine with a small amount at sunrise on the last day. This retreat was due to take place four weeks after my move to the mountain. Mother Ayahuasca begins to work her magic prior to attending a ceremony and this was to be no different. The only difference this time is she started it about three weeks out and I was moved through a very intense ‘purging’ process before my ceremony had even begun.
Alot of this feels like a blur now, however, I think it was perhaps during the second week that I had been there that I was walking some family members out the front door when I spotted a large carpet snake sliding along the timber beam of the verandah moving into the roof cavity, half its body already in and half still out. Well I just panicked as I have a deep deep phobia when it comes to snakes, any snake, my whole body just goes into fight flight mode and fear just takes over. Of course my family members thought it was beautiful and stood there watching it. My son new my fear and checked the inside of the house to make sure it couldn’t get in and then left telling me I had nothing to worry about it was harmless. Yeh right, I thought, you don’t live here!
Other friends visited over the following week and also said how beautiful it was and so I did try very hard to change my view and see it as a beautiful and harmless addition to my little tree house. My body thought otherwise though and did not want to play along. Seriously, the emotions that were being triggered and bought up from “Mildred” were extraoadinary and extremely challenging and unsettling. Around the end of the second week with my new house guest a massive storm hit the mountain which went on for a solid two hours. With this storm bought a rise of grief and anger, so deep it shook me. I was drawn outside (once I checked the verandah from the other door of course) to stand in the rain, I cried uncontrollably and screamed into the thunder. I did this until I was hoarse, exhausted and the thunder had died down. WOW! and I really mean WOW!
The next morning I was unable to get out of bed, I could do nothing but rest, sleep and recover. Unfortunately, Mildred was still there when I resurfaced, in fact she did not appear to go anywhere. She just stayed sprawled along the beam with her head hanging in such away it appeared she was just looking at the front door. I was just unable to go out, I felt a prisoner in my own home until I needed to leave on the Saturday to meet up with a friend. On finally getting the courage to run out the door and up the drive I decided there and then if she was still there when I got back she needed to go and I would call Dave to come and get her. By this stage every time I looked at her, grief would rise within me and tears would just tumble uncontrollably down my cheeks. Its just like she was forcing me to let go and surrender anything that was left.
Mildred was re-homed and she gratefully did not return. Her work was done. I was now prepared for what felt was to be my last Ayahuasca journey for now. It was like I needed to release the fear and grief before I sat in ceremony.
The first 2 ceremonies were still intense but nowhere near the intensity of my previous ones. I actually wasn’t sure whether I would be able to do the last one though, as the thought of drinking anymore medicine was turning my stomach in a very unpleasant way. I dug deep though as I new I had to get through this last one. I kept telling my body that the medicine was for my highest good and I would be able to “stomach” it. Well I did, 5 in fact. I journeyed hard, I fought all sorts of ‘shadows’ and then some. I felt my body had physically gone into battle with them. I had taken my mattress outside at some point, and through the light rain drops, I fully let go and surrendered into the experience. I did not hold back. I was victorious, I had slayed the many “demons” of my past and many of the collectives as well.
I certainly looked the part. I had leaves all through my hair and stuck to my clothes and vomit smeared all over my face as I sat there relieved and happy. All of a sudden this incredible bright light came before me and an indescribable LOVE began to pour into me and through me along with the message that I am enough, I am worthy and I am loved. I do not have the vocabulary to be able to fully describe this moment. It was pure unconditional love, and so overwhelmingly beautiful. Tears streamed down my face and I knew I had done it, I had broken through a barrier and I was set free. I sat there glowing and filled with an inner peace that I just realised on writing this, has stayed with me despite the continued chaos since this time. Beautiful.
THE SPIRITUAL MEANING IF SNAKE SHOWS UP:-
You’re about to go through some significant personal changes, so intense and dramatic that an old self will metaphorically die as a new self emerges. You’re going to feel a surge of energy that will sharpen your senses, alert your mental faculties, and open up new channels of awareness. You’re about to resolve a long-standing issue, one that has required a great deal of your attention, by seeing things in a new light. You’ll experience a dramatic and unexpected physical or emotional healing very soon, coming from an unexpected source.
All in divine timing right.
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