The spirit of Mother Ayahuasca calls

While all this was unfolding, I had also been feeling the calling from Mother Ayahuasca since around January of 2021. I new this wasn’t the time though and I would know when it was. I didn’t know a lot about this medicine although I had heard of it, so I took this time to learn a little more about it and educate myself. Thank goodness for Gaia as they had many documentaries on which to learn from.

I had no idea where I would even begin to find the person or even where to look as it is illegal in my country to do anything that may improve your health. Sorry for that cynicism, its hard not to be these days. Anyway, I put that on the back burner, as there was so many challenges presenting themselves for me to overcome as this point, it wasn’t a priority.

In July I was drawn to a video on Facebook to watch and from that I had a conversation with the person in Russia on a completely different topic but from that, yep you guessed it, I received the contact for my Ayahuasca journey to begin. I mean seriously, right, when you are ready to receive, it will come by whatever means necessary to find you. I was once again amazed.

Into my ayahuasca journey I go, green and unknowing, what a journey it was to be. My first ceremony was towards the end of August. I had an open mind and open heart and I was ready for all that she was to teach me. I didn’t expect it to go quite the way it did though. Not that you would ever know the way it was going to go only Mother Aya would know that. I don’t believe I could have prepared myself for the experience even if I new what was to come.

My journey was far from enlightening in the way I imagined it to be. Instead of going up, although I was definitely seen to go up quickly, I was pulled back just as quickly, into what I can only now describe as “the womb of darkness”. I just kept being pulled deeper and deeper into what felt like the “dark realms of nothingness” with its many twists and turns that went on and on with “a purging” I never believed could be possible. My process had began. Unfortunately, this is where I remained, despite my best efforts to surrender and move out of it, that was not to be. Six hours later, I was spent, exhausted and weak. Unable to move from the fetal position to even join the closing circle. Much work was done, however, I just didn’t know this at the time.

I was disillusioned and felt a deep sense of failure. I couldn’t understand after all the work I had been doing, why my journey wasn’t like “what others had experienced or described”. Had it not been for one of the support people that had observed my journey, I may never have continued on to complete the five journeys I felt I was be called to do. He explained to me that I had no problem rising, he could see that, I just had other work to do.

I was due to do another ceremony the following weekend and I really had no idea how I was going to be able to back this up. They mentioned that my next experience would more than likely be a more positive one as it was not usual to repeat that so soon. With all this positiveness and support I felt I would be ready to be part of the next ceremony. I spent the week integrating, being positive and putting my intention out.

With the support of my friend I was ready. This time with ‘rape’ along with mother ayahuasca I began. This journey was a repeat of the last but this time it was on steroids. What a blow to my ego. I was crushed. Interestingly the days and the weeks to come, I was able to view this experience from a whole new perspective. Addressing my ego was a humbling experience. I realized that I had an expectation on how it was to go because of the work I had assumed I had already completed. Too big for my own britches, perhaps. Mother aya was going to bring me down to earth and help me learn humility in a way that would get my attention.

I took part in a few more ceremonies which were much of the same although perhaps not as intense. I had begun to surrender further into them and let go of any expectations that may have still remained, as I had work to do and it was bigger that I could grasp from this vantage point. I was also attending beautiful rape and sananga fire ceremonies throughout this time, which I loved, they were supporting my growth and expansion and were just a wonderful feeling of oneness. I had this ever increasing sense of calm and this incredible peace growing within me that I was beginning to hold onto for longer periods of time.

It was now time to begin my preparation for my upcoming Rebirth Retreat and what a surprise this turned out to be.