“and then on the 3rd morning, I got out of bed and the rug was pulled out from beneath my feet with a voice that was suddenly in my mind, that said, ‘now the real work begins’ and wow did it begin”.
Strange things started happening I would turn on my computer and a website that I had not followed or heard of previously would just be there, or a story by a “truther”. I would put Youtube on my television, as I played meditation music throughout the day, and a documentary would appear or a series that I had also never seen before, or a thought would appear in my mind that I new I had to act upon. For some reason though, I just knew I had to watch what I was being shown, never questioning. This went on in earnest for some months.
I can’t begin to explain what this initially felt like. All this information was coming to me, and I just couldn’t understand how I had not seen any of this before. To say I was overwhelmed at times, is an understatement and I can’t say that I navigated this with ease or grace, as that would be far from the truth. Some days I resorted to drinking to try and alleviate the pain and grief that was surfacing. Other days I was just unable to get out of bed, opting instead to lie in the fetal position unable to process or think clearly. I lost track of time, days flowed into one. A lot of what I was learning were at levels I once would have thought unimaginable, but now made sense. However, I had to come to terms with the part I had played in this, of course unknowingly. Grief became my new friend. The shadow work had begun.
The first documentary I watched, which was an eye opener, was The Lost History of Earth, a 5 hour documentary on Youtube. Interestingly I found out that to actually come across this when trying to do a search is not an easy one, so the fact that it just showed up was quite surreal. I feel this was a taste of what was to come before me in a gentle though impactful way. Many more series, information, current and not, continued to present. Some of this was not easy to view and at times took a toll on me. It was just so overwhelming and distressing. I knew though, that in respect to the many children that had suffered unimaginable horror, that I owed if to them to watch despite the rising vomit, and educate myself.
This flow went on for nearly 6 months. It was like I needed to be fast tracked through the “3D web of deception. Get me up to date and start my own grieving process and “ego death”. The start of challenging and solo times to come, initially navigated by overwhelm, despair, depression and drinking to numb the pain.
If that wasn’t enough to process at the time, I experienced a setback that I had to work through and try and make sense of. Maybe due to my headspace at this time, I also had to navigate a financial loss that was to support me through the coming months, after being caught up in a crypto ring that I now know was working out of Russia and infiltrating sites, drawing people across to their ‘sites’ that appeared real at the time, then disappearing. The overseas agencies that I was put in contact with by the Federal Police, were at that time, not able to crack the coding to stop this occurring even though they had been aware of this criminal ring for sometime. Any hope of receiving my funds back or any compensation quickly disappeared.
A hard lesson to learn on what allowing or living in FEAR can do, as it overrides ones intuitive instincts.
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